Man Therapy

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Sometimes the idea of counseling can be intimidating for men because some in culture say that counseling is a sign of weakness, especially in men. In order to help combat the terrible and false idea that it is weak for a man to seek counseling, tools such as the website Man Therapy have been created. Take a look at the website and the various tools available for those who realize that a healthy man takes care of his mental and emotional health.


For any man or woman who would like to talk with someone to help take care of their mental and emotional health, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.

4 Reasons Not to Ghost Your Therapist

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Every therapist has a story or 12 about clients who seem to be connecting and doing well, but then they suddenly disappear. Poof. Phone calls and emails lead nowhere, nothing comes back. The client has ghosted.

If you’re new to the term, “ghosting” is when someone in a close relationship suddenly disappears, like an avoidant apparition. They’re there one day, everything seems to be going fine, and then they disappear——they’ve ghosted. You can ghost on a micro or macro scale. Let’s say you’re at a party with friends, you want to leave, but don’t want to make the rounds of goodbye hugs and “Aw, you’re leaving? One more!” so you say you’re going to the restroom but walk out the door and Uber home. That’s ghosting on a micro scale.

But let’s imagine that you’re in a new relationship, and while some parts of it are working, you’re just not that into the other person. Instead of having the challenging relationship talk when you discuss your ambivalence, feel bad, and perhaps induce tears, you just stop calling. And you stop answering calls and texts. In fact, you avoid the other person completely, telling yourself that the disappearance will send the message in a more subtle way, without tears or guilt or drama of a face-to-face interaction. This is ghosting on a macro scale, breaking hearts in absentia.

Why do we ghost? We’re human: We seek pleasure and avoid pain. Goodbyes are hard for many of us, whether the harmless goodbye of leaving a party or the more substantial goodbye of exiting a relationship. All that grief, loss, guilt, and conflicted feeling are unpleasant to experience. We seek an easier route through fading away, hoping it will mitigate our pain—and maybe even the pain of the other person. By avoiding the conflict, by avoiding the other person’s feelings, and maybe even our own, maybe it won’t hurt as bad. Right?

All of these ideas and behaviors show up in therapy all the time. To avoid the conflict, the feelings, the other’s opinion, clients may ghost just when the therapist least expects it.

But unlike walking away from friendships or romantic relationships, clients have one more rationalization for ghosting in therapy: “It’s not a real relationship. I pay her. I can leave whenever I want and don’t have to explain anything.”

And you know what? That’s partially correct. You can leave whenever you want—that is totally your right as a consumer and a citizen (unless you’re court ordered to attend). As I’ve said many times, it’s your time and your dime. You can leave whenever you’d like. But there are 4 reasons you may not want to ghost on your therapist, reasons that may benefit you, your therapist, and society as a whole:

1. You can say anything in therapy, and that’s for your benefit.

In other areas of your life, it may be impolite to say “This isn’t working for me anymore; I’m thinking about leaving.” But in therapy, talking about the relationship is one of the central components of the work. You can say things in therapy you might feel reluctant to in other relationships, because therapy is supposed to be a safe place where all topics are fair game. Therapists are trained to hear such statements non-defensively, but even if their response is pathetic, it’s still good for you to say it. You’re just being honest, talking about how you really feel. So why not take that approach for a spin?

2. We don’t have enough good endings in life.

Think about most endings—divorce, death, breakups, moving, fights, firing, etc. These are neither pleasant experiences nor memories. It is possible to have good endings, though. They happen all the time—graduations, for example. A journey ends with a celebration of accomplishments. Bittersweet goodbyes ensue, then brunch at the Olive Garden. That’s a decent ending. Why not model therapy’s ending on a graduation instead of a divorce?

3. What are you avoiding?

While not everyone who wants to leave therapy is avoiding their own issues, we know that at least some are. We’re getting too close to the childhood abuse. We’re focusing less on others in your life and more on your own contribution to your problems. We’re asking uncomfortable questions about our therapy relationship. Each of these scenarios have sent numerous people out of therapy, so they warrant mention. If you’re avoiding something you aren’t ready to talk about yet, how about talking about that? “There’s something about my childhood that I really don’t want to discuss. Can we talk about why I don’t want to talk about it?” Therapists should be able to hang with that.

4. Think of the therapist’s future clients.

Let’s say the therapist kept horrible eye contact, and this made you want to leave therapy, so you ghost. That may be a fine resolution for you, but what about all the other people this eye-avoider sees (peripherally, I suppose)? Might it be helpful, exit-interview style, to tell the therapist why it is you’re leaving, with the hope that the information may help dozens (or hundreds) of people in the future? Again, I hear you : “It’s not my job to make my therapist a better therapist.” I agree. But we do lots of things that aren’t “our job” that benefit others.

I need to add one last piece, as a therapist: It’s hard when a client ghosts, not just for the lost business or the unanswered phone calls. Those sting, but only temporarily. It’s the unanswered questions that hurt most: “Why did you leave?” “What was going on that I didn’t know about?” And the iconic, “Was it something I said?” I come to care about my clients, even after just a session or two, and a disappearance makes an impact.

Why? We spend a lot of time in our training learning to help clients feel safe and comfortable, to help them say whatever they want. Ghosting tells us that something was wrong with our rapport. Even though it seemed like the relationship was functional, something else was going on underneath. Either there was no secure connection or the client didn’t feel safe enough to talk about their insecurities. That’s a problem we’d like to correct—but without contact we’ll never know. It’s like someone telling a surgeon: “Sorry, the heart transplant failed and we lost the patient. The body is gone now, though, so we’ll never know what happened. By the way, you have three more scheduled for this afternoon.”

What happened? What went wrong? How can I improve?

These feelings are part of the cost of choosing this profession and clients shouldn’t feel that this is the main reason not to ghost. More important for you is the loss of a clean, good ending—a missed opportunity to express yourself. You lose a chance to dive into material that may be difficult, but ultimately beneficial for you.

That’s why you chose to come to therapy in the first place, isn’t it?


If you would like to set up an appointment with a counselor or coach, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003.

Really, a Therapist? Why and When You Should See One…

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Really, a Therapist? Why and When You Should See One…

By Bill Lokey

I don’t know what you think about therapists or have thought about people who go see them but it may be that for some reason you are considering finding one for yourself now. If so, here are some considerations for helping you choose a therapist. I hope this will be helpful.

First of all you may be asking: Why do I need a therapist? “I’m not that crazy about people telling me what to do in the first place and now I am going to pay someone to do that?”

plant in handsMy analogy, as a guy, is like asking whether I need a lawn edger or a tiller; do I just want my lawn to look neater or do I want to plant a garden? A therapist is not usually going to be giving you advice but helping you uncover your heart so that you can discover your own. I have found that being truly filled comes not from simply eating but from discovering what you are really hungry for, what your heart desires, and then being satiated with that. Rewriting my story takes looking into the ways I have chosen to “survive” my pain so I can walk with more trust in the God who doesn’t just make all new things, but makes all things new. A good therapist helps us do just that. What I like best is the approach we use at Onsite, which is to participate in a 4–6 day therapy intensive to help a person discover their core wound and experience healing. Then follow up with a therapist to keep making regular progress.

One of the best ways to find a good therapist is to ask someone you trust if they have had a good experience with one (i.e. friend, family doctor, minister). If not, then consider these things in your search:

  1. Be willing to interview a therapist before you decide on him/her. Tell them that your first meeting is to help you determine if they are a good fit with you.
  2. Can you feel safe with this person? Is he/she judgmental & shaming or will he/she allow you the freedom to explore your feelings and thoughts.
  3. Will she/he give you honest feedback about how they see you? If they will do this in a non-shaming, caring way it can be very helpful.
  4. A licensed therapist with at least several years of experience is important.
  5. Does he/she see many other clients with similar concerns? You want to see a therapist who has successful experience working with similar issues as yours.
  6. You don’t want to choose someone with whom you already have a personal relationship. It’s generally unethical for the therapist and it usually ends badly.
  7. Have they done their own therapy work? I believe a therapist can only guide someone as far as they have gone themselves. Ask them; really it’s okay to do so.
  8. Does he/she share your spiritual beliefs and values or will your beliefs be honored if they are not the same?
  9. Be ready and be willing to struggle with your process. Stepping into your own story honestly can involve pain but it leads toward freedom.

There is a wonderful saying, “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.” If you find yourself wanting to grow and to “see” with new eyes, a good therapist can serve as a productive guide. I wish you well in your journey.

5 Reasons Why You Should Try Therapy

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5 Reasons Why You Should Try Therapy

by Jenessa Michele

thinkingWhen I was younger, I thought only crazy people or people with ‘real problems’ went to therapy. Then, one day I became one of those people in therapy for some personal issues I was going through. Was I crazy? Not at all! In fact therapy opened me up to myself, and even when I ‘stopped needing’ it, I still wanted to go. It’s my time and I love it. Ever since, I have become a big believer in therapy and I feel like everyone should go at least at one point or another in their life!

2. Sometimes when we are going through things, it may be difficult to open up to family and friends. They may not fully understand or they may not know what to say or how to deal with us. That is okay – it’s human nature. A therapist can get you to be more open and can help you assess the situation at hand. They can give you positive enforcement with an unbiased attitude that will help you get through this trying time in your life.

3. It feels good to talk to someone. Yes, we have family, and yes, we have friends, but sometimes they are bombarded and busy with their own lives. It is nice to schedule at least one hour a week to just plain pour your heart out, whether it’s good or bad. This is your time, let it all out.

4. Good therapy will give you the courage you need to stand up for yourself. If you are in a negative situation, sometimes therapy is just the push you need to help yourself get out of it. It’s that boost of self-confidence that you need to make better more positive decisions that will enable you to be in a better place.

5. Therapy is a great place to let out your inner crazy. You can say everything you are thinking, and you are not being judged (theoretically at least; everyone judges — that’s just a fact!) It’s a place for complete honesty. There is nothing like having an outlet where not only can you be completely honest with someone else, but you can be completely honest with yourself. Personally I believe this leads to better relationships with others – not just romantic relationships, but all relationships (family, friends, coworkers, acquaintances).