Smartphone Addiction: Breaking Free

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The following is an excerpt from Smartphone Addiction by Helpguide.org:

Self-help tips for smartphone addiction

There are a number of steps you can take to get your smartphone use under control. While you can initiate many of these measures yourself, an addiction is hard to beat on your own, especially when temptation is always within easy reach. It can be all too easy to slip back into old patterns of usage. Look for outside support, whether it’s from family, friends, resources such as Smartphone statistics, or a professional therapist. Seeing as the majority of us use our phones pretty much every day, it is understandable to feel some sort of way if the phone was to ever get damaged. Saying this though, it would be as simple as taking it to an iPhone repair store to resolve the issues. Some people will be able to cope with being separated from their phones for a few days while it is getting repaired, but others may find it a little difficult, especially if they are addicted to their phones.

To help you identify your problem areas, keep a log of when and how much you use your smartphone for non-work or non-essential activities. There are specific apps that can help with this, enabling you to track the time you spend on your phone (see the Resources section below). Are there times of day that you use your phone more? Are there other things you could be doing instead? The more you understand your smartphone use, the easier it will be to curb your habits and regain control of your time.

Recognize the triggers that make you reach for your phone. Is it when you’re lonely or bored? If you are struggling with depression, stress, or anxiety, for example, your excessive smartphone use might be a way to self-soothe rocky moods. Instead, find healthier and more effective ways of managing your moods, such as practicing relaxation techniques or using HelpGuide’s free Emotional Intelligence Toolkit.

Understand the difference between interacting in-person and online. Human beings are social creatures. We’re not meant to be isolated or to rely on technology for human interaction. The inner ear, face, and heart are wired together in the brain, so socially interacting with another person face-to-face-making eye contact, responding to body language, listening, talking-can make you feel calm, safe, and understood, and quickly put the brakes on stress. Interacting through text, email or messaging may feel important but it bypasses these nonverbal cues so can never have the same effect on your emotional well-being. Besides, online friends can’t hug you when a crisis hits, visit you when you’re sick, or celebrate a happy occasion with you, as much as it makes you feel good to use apps like Upleap to get you more followers, they aren’t there in person.

Strengthen your support network. Set aside dedicated time each week for friends and family. If you are shy, there are ways to overcome social awkwardness and make lasting friends without relying on social media or the Internet. To find people with similar interests, try reaching out to colleagues at work, joining a sports team or book club, enrolling in an education class, or volunteering for a good cause. You’ll be able to interact with others like you, let relationships develop naturally, and form friendships that will enhance your life and strengthen your health.

Build your coping skills. Perhaps tweeting, texting or blogging is your way of coping with stress or angry feelings. Or maybe you have trouble relating to others, or are excessively shy with people in real life and find it easier to communicate with people online. Building skills in these areas will help you weather the stresses and strains of daily life without relying on your smartphone.

Recognize any underlying problems that may support your compulsive behavior. Have you had problems with alcohol or drugs in the past? Does anything about your smartphone use remind you of how you used to drink or use drugs to numb or distract yourself? Recognize if you need to address treatment in these areas or return to group support meetings.

Modify your smartphone use, step-by-step

For most people, getting control over their smartphone use isn’t a case of quitting cold turkey. Think of it more like going on a diet. Just as you still need to eat, you probably still need to use your phone for work, school or to stay in touch with friends. Your goal should be to cut back to more healthy levels of use.

  1. Set goals for when you can use your smartphone. For example, you might schedule use for certain times of day, or you could reward yourself with a certain amount of time on your phone once you’ve completed a homework assignment or finished a chore, for instance.
  2. Turn off your phone at certain times of the day, such as when you’re driving, in a meeting, at the gym, having dinner, or playing with your kids.
  3. Don’t bring your phone or tablet to bed. The blue light emitted by the screens can disrupt your sleep if used within two hours of bedtime. Turn devices off and leave them in another room overnight to charge. Instead of reading eBooks on your phone or tablet at night, pick up a book. You’ll not only sleep better but research shows you’ll also remember more of what you’ve read.
  4. Replace your smartphone use with healthier activities. If you are bored and lonely, resisting the urge to use your smartphone to play games or check social media can be very difficult. It’s not wrong to spend some time gaming. You can limit the time you spend on games though. Say you read a Review of Casinoly Casino and find that it’s exciting to play some games on it; go ahead and spend 15 minutes on some games and then keep your phone away. Have a plan for other ways to fill the time, such as meditating, reading a book, or chatting with friends face to face.
  5. Spending time with other smartphone addicts? Play the “phone stack” game. When you’re having lunch, dinner, or drinks together, have everyone place their smartphones face down on the table. Even as the phones buzz and beep, no one is allowed to grab his or her device. If someone can’t resist checking their phone, that person has to pick up the check for everyone.
  6. Remove social media apps from your phone so you can only check Facebook, Twitter and the like from your computer. What you see of others on social media is rarely an accurate reflection of their lives-people exaggerate the positive aspects of their lives, brushing over the doubts and disappointments that we all experience. Spending less time comparing yourself unfavorably to these stylized representations can help to boost your mood and sense of self-worth.
  7. Limit checks. If you compulsively check your phone every few minutes, wean yourself off by limiting your checks to once every 15 minutes. Then once every 30 minutes, then once an hour. If you need help, there are apps that can automatically limit when you’re able to access your phone.
  8. Curb your fear of missing out. Accept that by limiting your smartphone use, you’re likely going to miss out on certain invitations, breaking news, or new gossip. There is so much information available on the Internet, it’s almost impossible to stay on top of everything, anyway. Accepting this can be liberating and help break your reliance on technology.

Treatment for smartphone addiction

Therapy and counseling for smartphone addiction

Therapy can give you a tremendous boost in controlling smartphone and Internet use. Cognitive-behavioral therapy provides step-by-step ways to stop compulsive behaviors and change your perceptions about your smartphone. Therapy can also help you learn healthier ways of coping with uncomfortable emotions, such as stress, anxiety, or depression.

If your smartphone or Internet use is affecting your partner directly, as with excessive use of Internet pornography or online affairs, marriage counseling can help you work through these challenging issues. Marriage counseling can also help you reconnect with your partner if you have been using virtual worlds for most of your social needs.

Group support for smartphone addiction

Organizations such as Internet & Tech Addiction Anonymous (ITAA) and On-Line Gamers Anonymous offer online support and some face-to-face meetings to curb excessive technology use, as well as tips on starting your own chapter. Of course, online support groups and forums should be used with caution. Although they may be helpful in finding sources of assistance, it’s easy to use them as an excuse to spend even more time on your smartphone or computer. While you need real-life people to benefit fully from any addiction support group, it’s especially important for smartphone or Internet addiction. Sex Addicts Anonymous may be another place to try if you are having trouble with cybersex or compulsive use of sex and dating apps.

For those in need of greater intervention, there are now specialist treatment centers that offer digital detox programs to help you disconnect from digital media. For help finding these, as well as support groups and therapists, see the Resources and References section below.

Helping a child or teen with smartphone addiction

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that kids under age 2 have no screen time, while young children older than 2 should spend no more than 1 to 2 hours a day viewing age-appropriate material. Of course, once kids have their own smartphones, limiting their use becomes that much more difficult. Any parent who’s tried to drag a child or teen away from a smartphone or tablet knows how challenging it can be to separate kids from social media, messaging apps, or online games and videos. Youngsters lack the maturity to curb their smartphone use on their own, but simply confiscating the device can often backfire, creating anxiety and withdrawal symptoms in your child. Instead, there are plenty of other ways to help your child find a healthier balance:

Be a good role model. Children have a strong impulse to imitate, so it’s important you manage your own smartphone and Internet use. It’s no good asking your child to unplug at the dinner table while you’re staring at your own phone or tablet. Try not to let your own smartphone use distract from parent-child interactions.

Use apps to monitor and limit your child’s smartphone use. There are a number of apps available that can limit your child’s data usage or restrict his or her texting and web browsing to certain times of the day to enforce technology breaks. Other apps can eliminate messaging capabilities while in motion, so you can prevent your teen using a smartphone while driving.

Create “phone-free” zones. Restrict the use of smartphones or tablets to a common area of the house where you can keep an eye on your child’s activity and limit time online. Ban phones from the dinner table and bedrooms and insist they’re turned off after a certain time at night.

Encourage other interests and social activities. Get your child out from behind the phone or computer screen. Expose kids to other hobbies and activities, such as team sports, Scouts, and afterschool clubs. Spend time as a family unplugged.

Talk to your child about underlying issues. Compulsive smartphone use can be the sign of deeper problems. Is your child having problems fitting in? Has there been a recent major change, like a move or divorce, which is causing stress? Is your child suffering with other issues at school or home?

Get help. Teenagers often rebel against their parents, but if they hear the same information from a different authority figure, they may be more inclined to listen. Try a sports coach, doctor, or respected family friend. Don’t be afraid to seek professional counseling if you are concerned about your child’s smartphone use.

If you would like help breaking free from smartphone addiction, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

Smartphone Addiction: What is it?

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The following is an excerpt from Smartphone Addiction by Helpguide.org:

What is smartphone addiction?

Smartphone addiction, sometimes colloquially known as “nomophobia” (fear of being without a mobile phone), is often fueled by an Internet overuse problem or Internet addiction disorder. After all, it’s rarely the phone or tablet itself that creates the compulsion, but rather the games, apps, and online worlds it connects us to. Think about all the things you can do and all the things you can control on your smartphone. While we’re not all addicts, we are all drawn to our phones and everything the small devices hold. The reality is that smartphones can be used effectively to enrich your knowledge and lifestyle, but most of us find ourselves scrolling mindlessly through social media instead. You can read more on using your time effectively online here. Furthermore, phones just keep getting smarter and updating our modern world. ‘Smart homes’ mean that even the most mundane household devices and features can be connected to the internet, even things like doorbells and plugs. This article from iDisrupted explains the different uses of some of the newer features of a ‘smart’ home. It is easy to see why so many of us can get hooked by our phones.

Effects of smartphone addiction

While heavy phone use can often be symptomatic of other underlying problems-such as stress, anxiety, depression, or loneliness-it can also exacerbate these problems. If you use your smartphone as a “security blanket” to relieve feelings of anxiety, loneliness, or awkwardness in social situations, for example, you’ll succeed only in cutting yourself off further from the people around you. Staring at your phone will deny you the face-to-face interactions that can help to meaningfully connect you to others, alleviate anxiety, and boost your mood. In other words, the remedy you’re choosing for your anxiety (engaging with your smartphone), is actually making your anxiety worse.

Smartphone or Internet addiction can also negatively impact your life by:

Increasing loneliness and depression. While it may seem that losing yourself online will temporarily make feelings such as loneliness, depression, and boredom evaporate into thin air, it can actually make you feel even worse. A 2014 study found a correlation between high social media usage and depression and anxiety. Users, especially teens, tend to compare themselves unfavorably with their peers on social media, promoting feelings of loneliness and depression.

Fueling anxiety. One researcher found that the mere presence of a phone in a work place tends to make people more anxious and perform poorly on given tasks. The heavier the phone user, the greater the anxiety experienced.

Increasing stress. Using a smartphone for work often means work bleeds into your home and personal life. You feel the pressure to always be on, never out of touch from work. This need to continually check and respond to email can contribute to higher stress levels and even burnout.

Exacerbating attention deficit disorders. The constant stream of messages and information from a smartphone can overwhelm the brain and make it impossible to focus attention on any one thing for more than a few minutes without feeling compelled to move on to something else.

Diminishing your ability to concentrate and think deeply or creatively. The persistent buzz, ping or beep of your smartphone can distract you from important tasks, slow your work, and interrupt those quiet moments that are so crucial to creativity and problem solving. Instead of ever being alone with our thoughts, we’re now always online and connected.

Disturbing your sleep. Excessive smartphone use can disrupt your sleep, which can have a serious impact on your overall mental health. It can impact your memory, affect your ability to think clearly, and reduce your cognitive and learning skills. This is in part due to the EMF signals that phones radiate, which can be detected with an EMF detector device (which you can Buy Here).

Encouraging self-absorption. A UK study found that people who spend a lot of time on social media are more likely to display negative personality traits such as narcissism. Snapping endless selfies, posting all your thoughts or details about your life can create an unhealthy self-centeredness, distancing you from real-life relationships and making it harder to cope with stress.

Signs and symptoms of smartphone addiction

We can use smartphones to fill every quiet moment and keep us entertained, up to date, and connected to friends and strangers alike. But how much time is too much time to spend on a smartphone or other mobile device?

Americans spend an average of nearly 3½ hours a day on their mobile devices-checking social media, watching videos, and accessing apps or the Internet. However, there is no specific amount of time spent on your phone, or the frequency you check for updates, or the number of messages you send or receive that indicates an addiction or overuse problem. You may need to use the Internet or email extensively for work, for example, or have to be on call for your job or as a family caregiver, or you may rely heavily on social media to keep in touch with faraway family and friends. Most people using social media are just trying to stay in contact with people they don’t see often, which a lot of people seem to be doing through using computers to see their instagram dms online and messages from their other social media platforms. Although, some people may develop negative characteristics from using social media too often, others appear to be using it with good intentions.

Spending a lot of time connected to your phone only becomes a problem when it absorbs so much of your time it causes you to neglect your face-to-face relationships, your work, school, hobbies, or other important things in your life. If you find yourself ignoring friends over lunch to read Facebook updates or compulsively checking your phone in while driving or during school lectures, then it’s time to reassess your smartphone use and strike a healthier balance in your life.

General warning signs of smartphone addiction

  • Trouble completing tasks at work or home. Do you find laundry piling up and little food in the house for dinner because you’ve been busy chatting online, texting, or playing video games? Perhaps you find yourself working late more often because you can’t complete your work on time.
  • Isolation from family and friends. Is your social life suffering because of all the time you spend on your phone or other device? If you’re in a meeting or chatting with friends, do you lose track of what’s being said because you’re checking messages or updates on your phone? Have friends and family expressed concern about the amount of time you spend on your phone? Do you feel like no one in your “real” life-even your spouse-understands you like your online friends?
  • Concealing your smartphone use. Do you sneak off to a quiet place to use your smartphone? Do you hide your smartphone use or lie to your boss and family about the amount of time you spend online? Do you get irritated or cranky if your online time is interrupted?
  • Have a fear of missing out. Do you hate to feel out of the loop or think you’re missing out on important news or information if you don’t check you phone regularly? Do you need to compulsively check social media because you’re anxious that others are having a better time, making more money, or leading a more exciting life than you? Do you get up at night to check your phone?
  • Feeling of dread, anxiety or panic if you leave your smartphone at home, the battery runs down or the operating system crashes. Or you feel a phantom vibration-you feel your phone vibrating but when you check, there are no new messages or updates.

Withdrawal symptoms from smartphone addiction

A common warning sign of smartphone or Internet addiction is experiencing withdrawal symptoms when you try to cut back on your smartphone use. These may include:

  • Restlessness
  • Anger or irritability
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Sleep problems
  • Craving access to your smartphone or other device

If you would like help with a smartphone or other technology addiction, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

Marriage Tip: Why You Should Unplug and Go on an Adventure Together

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Summer Dreams: Why You Should Unplug and Go on an Adventure Together

By Les and Leslie Parrott

Summertime and adventure go hand in hand. Oftentimes, family vacations ramp up this time of year–and what cherished times those can be. Today, though, we are talking about the importance of taking some time away with your spouse to unplug and go on your own summer adventure together, maybe to Trehøje in Mols Bjerge in Northern Europe?

When we think of adventure, we often believe it has to be an extended time and needs to take place in some far-off land. If that is something you can swing, great–but it doesn’t have to be a roadblock. You can have adventures halfway across the world or even in very own city, but the key is to do something together.

When was the last time you fully unplugged and took time to adventure with your spouse? If you can’t think of when that was, you are desperately overdue. It is critical for us to emphasize how important this time is for your marriage, kids or no kids.

Here are some reasons why you should unplug for a summer adventure with your spouse.

SOMETHING TO PLAN TOGETHER

When married couples are planning or working together, it is usually geared towards more serious matters than having a getaway. From financial planning to coordinating schedules to tackling to-do lists, it can be easy to get overwhelmed by the overall maintenance that life requires. Perhaps you and your spouse work well as a team, and can even find joy in the midst of everyday life, but you have got to take a break sometime! When it comes to working together towards better finances, savvy investments and trading decisions may be something you’ll both want to consider – you could use a bester Online Broker to help you with this in the hopes of turning a profit.

Going on an adventure together involves some sort of planning, yes–but it’s the fun kind! Regardless of where or how far you are going, simply put, it is enjoyable to plan something fun. There are endless online resources at your fingertips to plan some time away. Decide what you want to do and embrace the process of creating your adventure. Maybe your thinking of going on a Safari to watch wildlife roaming their natural habitats or you’re planning a beach resort holiday. Whatever you decide, make it one to remember. It is a great way to work together, apart from the rigors of life.

SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO

Is there any greater anticipation than pending time away? Part of the fun of an upcoming adventure is the building of excitement as you get closer to the event. Having something to look forward to together can make those have-to’s more fun. Knowing there is a payoff in a couple weeks or months certainly can ease the monotony of the here and now, and serves as a great reminder that something amazing is just around the corner. Embrace those times of anticipation with your spouse. We all love having something to look forward to!

TIME TO UNPLUG AND HAVE FUN

This goes without saying, but it still needs to be said. What good is it to work hard and never let ourselves enjoy the fruits of our labor? Life is far out of balance if you haven’t found yourself allowing time for pure fun with your spouse. When is the last time you simply enjoyed each other’s company? Some of the best marriages around are the ones whose members know how to have fun. Life is too short not to, and it’s amazing to see how having fun can draw you closer to one another.

A big piece of having fun is to allow yourselves to unplug a bit. We spend so much of our time tied to our technology, responding to dings, buzzes, needs and wants of others. Much of that is necessary with our jobs. Like anything else, though, we need to step away. We need uninterrupted hours or days getting back to what is simple and most important. Friends, if your relationship with your spouse isn’t strong, it is nearly impossible to truly thrive in other areas of life.

Your emails can wait. So can your text messages, your notifications and your fantasy sports teams. Your relationship with your spouse is the most important relationship in your life, and in the world we live in today, unplugging can be one of the greatest ways to show each other that.

TIME TO TALK AND DREAM

Life is busy. Time is limited. Demands are high. Often, all of this means that we end up skipping deep conversations with your spouse. It can be hard to find time to talk, much less dream, when you are keeping up with the daily grind. What better way to connect with your spouse, though? You are living and building a life with the most important person to you, and part of that is connecting with your spouse sharing your struggles, victories and dreams.

Getting away for an adventure affords you that time. You’re away from life, more relaxed, having fun and are often far more open to discussing even harder topics during these times. Perhaps you’re taking a road trip. Time in the car is perfect. Turn off your podcast or playlist and talk. Dream. Laugh. Ask questions. Listen to answers. Time away is time to connect. Maybe you haven’t dreamed in a long time with your spouse. What better time than now?

TIME FOR INTIMACY

Uninterrupted time. Need I say more? Simply put, time away should always include time to connect sexually. As mentioned above, life gets busy and time goes by. In many marriages, that includes not making sex a priority. Unplugged and uninterrupted time when you’re having fun and connecting afford countless opportunities to be intimate and explore both of your sexualities, and maybe you need this time to help you decide what kind of things you are both into when it comes to being intimate together. You have your spouse alone, maybe for the first time in a very long time. Take advantage of that!

If you haven’t planned an adventure (near or far) with your spouse this summer, stop what you’re doing now and make it happen! It doesn’t have to break the bank. It simply needs to be unplugged and just the two of you. Life is too short not to take this time. Summer dreams are made for adventures together!


If you would like help enriching your marriage, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

Screens May Be Terrible for You, and Now We Know Why

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Screens May Be Terrible for You, and Now We Know Why

By Brandon Keim

For more than 3 billion years, life on Earth was governed by the cyclical light of sun, moon and stars. Then along came electric light, turning night into day at the flick of a switch. Our bodies and brains may not have been ready.

A fast-growing body of research has linked artificial light exposure to disruptions in circadian rhythms, the light-triggered releases of hormones that regulate bodily function. Circadian disruption has in turn been linked to a host of health problems, from cancer to diabetes, obesity and depression. “Everything changed with electricity. Now we can have bright light in the middle of night. And that changes our circadian physiology almost immediately,” says Richard Stevens, a cancer epidemiologist at the University of Connecticut. “What we don’t know, and what so many people are interested in, are the effects of having that light chronically.”

Stevens, one of the field’s most prominent researchers, reviews the literature on light exposure and human health the latest Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B. The new article comes nearly two decades after Stevens first sounded the alarm about light exposure possibly causing harm; writing in 1996, he said the evidence was “sparse but provocative.” Since then, nighttime light has become even more ubiquitous: an estimated 95 percent of Americans regularly use screens shortly before going to sleep, and incandescent bulbs have been mostly replaced by LED and compact fluorescent lights that emit light in potentially more problematic wavelengths. Meanwhile, the scientific evidence is still provocative, but no longer sparse.

As Stevens says in the new article, researchers now know that increased nighttime light exposure tracks with increased rates of breast cancer, obesity and depression. Correlation isn’t causation, of course, and it’s easy to imagine all the ways researchers might mistake those findings. The easy availability of electric lighting almost certainly tracks with various disease-causing factors: bad diets, sedentary lifestyles, exposure to they array of chemicals that come along with modernity. Oil refineries and aluminum smelters, to be hyperbolic, also blaze with light at night.

Yet biology at least supports some of the correlations. The circadian system synchronizes physiological function-from digestion to body temperature, cell repair and immune system activity-with a 24-hour cycle of light and dark. Even photosynthetic bacteria thought to resemble Earth’s earliest life forms have circadian rhythms. Despite its ubiquity, though, scientists discovered only in the last decade what triggers circadian activity in mammals: specialized cells in the retina, the light-sensing part of the eye, rather than conveying visual detail from eye to brain, simply signal the presence or absence of light. Activity in these cells sets off a reaction that calibrates clocks in every cell and tissue in a body. Now, these cells are especially sensitive to blue wavelengths-like those in a daytime sky.

But artificial lights, particularly LCDs, some LEDs, and fluorescent bulbs, also favor the blue side of the spectrum. So even a brief exposure to dim artificial light can trick a night-subdued circadian system into behaving as though day has arrived. Circadian disruption in turn produces a wealth of downstream effects, including dysregulation of key hormones. “Circadian rhythm is being tied to so many important functions,” says Joseph Takahashi, a neurobiologist at the University of Texas Southwestern. “We’re just beginning to discover all the molecular pathways that this gene network regulates. It’s not just the sleep-wake cycle. There are system-wide, drastic changes.” His lab has found that tweaking a key circadian clock gene in mice gives them diabetes. And a tour-de-force 2009 study put human volunteers on a 28-hour day-night cycle, then measured what happened to their endocrine, metabolic and cardiovascular systems.

Crucially, that experiment investigated circadian disruption induced by sleep alteration rather than light exposure, which is also the case with the many studies linking clock-scrambling shift work to health problems. Whether artificial light is as problematic as disturbed sleep patterns remains unknown, but Stevens thinks that some and perhaps much of what’s now assumed to result from sleep issues is actually a function of light. “You can wake up in the middle of the night and your melatonin levels don’t change,” he says. “But if you turn on a light, melatonin starts falling immediately. We need darkness.” According to Stevens, most people live in a sort of “circadian fog.”

Just how much health risk can be attributed to artificial light rather than sleep disruption? If breast cancer rates jump 30 percent in women who work at night, and prostate cancer rates nearly triple in men, what proportion of that circadian disruption comes from artificial light rather than sleep cycle problems? And just how much blue light must be absorbed before things get risky: a few minutes a night or a few hours, a few years or a few decades? Blue light has already shown that it can damage eyes as well as cause other ailments like insomnia. No wonder people are looking into eye supplements from websites like https://quantumhealth.com/shop/category/eye-health to protect them from getting damaged further. These are now pressing research questions, yet it may be difficult to know for sure, says Stevens. Conclusively settling the matter would likely require studies both rigorously controlled and terribly unethical. In the meantime, it might make sense to let a little nighttime back into your life.

 

Parenting Tips on Kids & Technology

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Kids & Technology: Staying Safe

By Franklin County Children Services

Technology is a wonderful thing – if used responsibly, that is. To keep your kids safe, here are some parenting tips on using computers and cell phones wisely. If you don’t currently have internet in your home, this is something you should definitely look into. Simply search for something like ‘internet in my area‘ and you should be able to find a cheap provider. Although the internet does have a dark side, as long as you and your children are careful, it can be a great tool.

Computers…

Be involved. Spend time online with your kids and get to know what websites they’re visiting. This will keep an open line of communication – not to mention you’ll learn a lot from your tech-savvy children! Another idea: consider installing filters to block inappropriate websites, which can be done via your internet provider so that your child doesn’t know and feel that you are trying to be too controlling over their freedom.

Teach boundaries. Kids should never reveal personal information about themselves online without your permission.

Cell Phones…

Safety first. Make sure your kids don’t give our their phone numbers to strangers. Also, make sure they never drive while talking or texting.

Teach responsible use. For a lesson in money management, have your kids keep track of their minutes and pay their bills each month to learn budgeting. Responsible text messaging is another critical issue. Texting in class, at the dinner table or especially, while driving, is always a bad idea – as is sending obscene or inappropriate photos. This is an increasingly serious problem known as “sexting.”

When it Comes to Using Technology…

Establish rules for use and consequences for breaking them. Set time and place boundaries, for example: Absolutely no phone use during class or no Internet time until homework or chores are done.

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If you would like more help in parenting, technology, &/or boundaries, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to set up an appointment with one of our coaches or counselors.

Too Much Technology Damages Relationships

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Put down that phone! ‘Technoference’ may be hurting your relationship

By Meghan Holohan

It’s been a long, terrible day. As you recount your struggles, you suddenly notice your partner is furiously typing on his phone. Your anger boils (you’ve forgotten that you did the same thing to him just yesterday). It’s time to step away from the smartphone, put down the tablet, shut the laptop and turn off the TV. A slew of recent research suggests that if people want happy relationships, they need to stop clinging to technology.

technology relationships“I was surprised about the amount of people saying that this happens in their relationship every day,” says Sarah Coyne, an associate professor in the department of family life at Brigham Young University. “You are sitting there and kind of bored and check Facebook … it is almost our default to turn to our phones.”

In a new study, Coyne asked 143 married or cohabitating women to answer questions about technology use and relationships. She wanted to understand how technology encroaches on our lives and relationships, what she calls “technoference.” The vast majority of respondents, 70 percent, said using a cell phone interrupted interactions between them and their partners sometimes, often, very often or all the time. Even more, 74 percent, said that computers sometimes, often, very often or all the time disturbed their interactions with partners.

The women who reported technoference also said they fought more with their partners, which made them feel badly about their relationships. On top of this, they felt more depressed and less satisfied with life.

“What I think the most important finding is, the more you let the technology interfere, the more conflict you have with your spouse or partner and that leads to not feeling great about the relationship,” she says.

Still there’s other research showing that cell phone dependence can be unhealthy.

“Cell phone attachment is positively related to an increase in stress and anxiety and even depression,” says James A. Roberts, a professor of marketing at Baylor University Hankamer School of Business.

In a 2012 paper, Roberts coined the word “phub,” a mash-up of phone and snub. Phubbing occurs when someone chooses to play with an app, text or take a phone call instead of paying attention to a person.

“Essentially, what we are saying is that you don’t matter,” he says. “It touches at our core.”

Part of the problem is that cell phones are ubiquitous – and fitting into society means having one. “We have a social entourage and posse. The more calls we get and the more we are on the phone, we clearly must be more important,” he says.

But in a relationship this can be damaging: “It really devalues our loved ones.”

While technology can create a rift in a relationship, it can also bring couples together. A study published in theInternational Journal of Neuropsychotherapy finds that when couples watch TV together they felt closer. Using a laptop was the fastest way to push couples apart.

“If we are sitting down and both watching TV together … that can be beneficial,” says Coyne.

Even cell phones can be positive. In a 2011 study, Coyne found that when couples text each other nice messages, the relationship flourished. When they texted about controversial topics, the relationship suffered. The solution?

“When you are face to face, just talk,” says Coyne.

Coyne suggests that if you notice your partner relying too heavily on technology, say something like, “Hey I’ve been so busy texting that I haven’t talked to you.”

Roberts believes that carving out cell phone-free time, like at meals, can reduce the strain on relationships. And, when people have to use their phones, politely apologizing can prevent hurt feelings.

“You may see it’s actually freeing,” he says.