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Fighting Fair

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Fighting Fair 

By Tim and Joy Downs

Pick out a board game—any game will do. Now take off the lid, turn it over, and search for these words:

“Roll the dice to see who goes first. Play proceeds clockwise … ” All games include directions to make sure everyone knows whose turn it is. But conflict, as you recall, is a game without rules. In a disagreement it isn’t always easy to know who goes first, who comes next, and who just got left out.

There’s a simple set of instructions that can help create order out of this chaos. In the game of conflict, the order of play goes like this: Listen long; then speak short—and don’t forget to pass the dice.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? It’s not. Being a good listener is hard. When you do it right, the game proceeds nicely and both of you get to play; when you spend too much time speaking to listen well, each of you thinks it’s his turn and both players are scrambling for the dice.

Here are some helpful suggestions about listening to improve the order of play in your next disagreement.

For the full article, check out the original blog post.

If you would like help in your marriage or relationship, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003.

Guard Your Heart From Adultery

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Guard Your Heart From Adultery

By Robert Wolgemuth

The core issue here regarding sexual temptation is the condition of our hearts.

“Guard your heart above all else,” a concerned dad warned his young adult son, “for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23 NLT).

Many years ago, I had a close friend who made a bad decision to hang out in a hotel bar and stay there until late into the night. This man had never been unfaithful to his wife. But after a few extra drinks, he began a conversation with a woman that continued into the early hours of the next morning.

Before going to their separate rooms, they exchanged cell numbers. When he returned home from the trip, my friend told me all about the woman. “Nothing bad happened,” he said, cautiously defending himself, “But we did share phone numbers,” he added.

I remember this conversation as though it happened last week. My friend and I were in his office. He was behind his desk; I was standing in front of him. And I spoke to him as lovingly and directly as I could.

“Guard your heart,” I pleaded with him. “Guard your heart.”

For the full article go to Family Life’s blog.

If you would like help with your struggles in the area of adultery or with your relationship, please call CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to set up an appointment with one of our coaches or counselors.

Relationship Woes: How to Turn a Negative Attitude Around

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Relationship Woes: How to Turn a Negative Attitude Around 

By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott PhD

“All that you achieve and all that you fail to achieve is the direct result of your own thoughts.” -James Allen

Most everyone has experienced a bad attitude in their relationship. Believe it or not, there are ways you can turn this negativity around. After all, we aren’t born with bad attitudes – they are developed in our minds over time.

With effort, we can protect ourselves against the bad attitude disease. There is no simple procedure to eliminating bad attitudes forever, but there are ways you can take a negative attitude and nip it in the bud. Today, we want to share four steps that will be a game changer in turning a negative attitude around.

For the full article check out the SYMBIS Blog.

If you are looking for help in your relationships, please give CornerStone Family Services a call at 614-459-3003 to set up an appointment with one of our counselors or coaches.

18 Texts That Say, “I’m Sorry.”

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18 TEXTS THAT SAY “I’M SORRY”

By Marriage365

While it’s important to give a formal apology in person when you’ve messed up, it’s also good to follow up with a phone call or text to remind your spouse how sorry you really are. Sending “I’m sorry” texts shows that you’re trying to rebuild trust and repair your relationship. Now these texts are to help inspire a more in depth conversation and please make them personal… make them your own…

For the full article go here.

If you would like help in healing your relationship, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

3 Ways to Overcome Emotional Distance in Your Marriage

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3 Ways to Overcome Emotional Distance in Your Marriage

By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

Lately, you feel like you just can’t connect with your spouse. Maybe he’s not listening to you, or maybe she’s lost interest in activities you used to enjoy together. You might fight a lot—or avoid communicating to minimize conflict. Perhaps you feel like the kids have monopolized your or your spouse’s time to the point that you aren’t getting quality time together anymore.

Whatever the case, lately, you’re feeling more and more disappointed in your relationship with your spouse. You’re lonely and discontent, and you’re wondering whether the two of you might be happier apart, rather than staying married and slogging through each day with things the way they are.

It’s upsetting and downright discouraging to go through seasons in your marriage where you and your spouse feel more like roommates than soulmates. The reality is that it’s totally normal to experience times in your life that feel this way, and there are a lot of possible reasons for it: a new baby, having small children at home, work-related stress, demanding or unusual schedules, health issues, caring for an aging parent, unresolved conflict, and more.

The good news is that you can absolutely overcome seasons of emotional disconnect in your marriage…and come out on the other side feeling closer than ever. The trick is getting over the hump, making it through the challenging days, and staying committed to each other. Today, we’ll show you three ways to overcome seasons of emotional distance in your marriage.

1. REALIZE EVERY MARRIAGE HAS PEAKS AND VALLEYS

Even though the feeling of distance you’re experiencing with your spouse is incredibly disconcerting, rest assured it’s very common for couples to go through times in their marriage when they just don’t feel close. While that doesn’t make the experience any easier, it gives you the perspective you need to weather the storm until it passes.

We often make the mistake of thinking that how our marriage feels today is how it’s always going to feel. The truth is, love is always evolving; even if you feel some distance today, the dynamic between you could change for the better very quickly. It’s worth it to hold on, stick to the commitment you’ve made to one another, and work on getting your relationship back on track.

2. TUNE IN TO HOW YOUR SPOUSE BEST CONNECTS

Sometimes when we’re feeling disconnected, it’s easy to get wrapped up in how we want our spouse to connect to us. What we tend to forget is that how we want to connect might not be something our spouse will respond to. You and your partner might simply speak different love languages, and it will be up to you to tune into their language and communicate in it in order to reignite that spark.

For example, women generally want to have deep, meaningful conversations in order to connect to their husbands. But in our experience, men tend to be less likely to respond well to their wives’ need for that conversation, especially during a season of disconnect. If you’re a wife who’s feeling lonely and wants to be closer to her husband, it may help for you to focus on joining your husband in shared activities. Men tend to respond well and feel more connected to their wives through shared activities, so go somewhere he enjoys going or participate in an activity that’s important to him, and you’ll be more likely to get connected with him again on a much deeper level.

Husbands, if you’re feeling disconnected from your wives, open yourselves up for genuine conversation. Your wife will be more receptive and responsive to you if you’re intentionally connecting with her in this way. Even if it’s way outside your comfort zone, offering this gift to your wife will go a long way toward restoring the intimacy you’ve been missing.

3. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD AND TAKE ACTION

When we’re going through a “roommate season” where we feel disconnected from one another, we sometimes get lost in our own circular thought patterns about what we’re facing. But when we ruminate, we become immobilized. We get stuck in our own expectations of what we think closeness and emotional intimacy should look like, and that can blind us from what we really need to be doing in order to reconnect.

Take one step at a time, one day at a time. Even a small positive change in your marriage can make a tremendous difference in how you feel about your relationship. Hang on tight, keep meeting each other where you are, and you can come out on the other side of this as a stronger, happier couple.

If you would like help with your marriage relationship, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

7 Creative Ways to Celebrate Your Next Anniversary

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7 Creative Ways to Celebrate Your Next Anniversary

By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott Your wedding anniversary is a time of year for you and your spouse to deepen your connection and revive feelings that may have been overridden by jobs, everyday stress, and outside obligations. It’s the perfect time to renew your commitment to each other and reflect on your successes–and maybe even the inevitable failures and hard times you’ve overcome together. When it comes to celebrating your anniversary, the sky’s the limit, whether you are booking an event hall and having a big do with all your friends and family, or maybe you’re thinking of going away on holiday to celebrate. There are countless ways to make your day special, but sometimes it can feel difficult to settle on an idea that does justice to your love and the life you’ve built together. Today, we’re sharing seven creative ideas to make your next anniversary especially memorable.

1. TURN YOUR VOWS INTO ART

Did you and your spouse write your own vows for your wedding? Etch them in your memory forever by turning them into a piece of art for your home. You can have your vows printed, painted, or engraved on a number of different surfaces like canvas, wood, and more (do it yourself if you’re creative!). Then, hang them in your home to remind yourselves of the carefully-crafted words you wrote and recited to promise your lives to each other.

2. RECREATE YOUR WEDDING CAKE (AND PUNCH, TOO!)

There’s never a bad time for cake–especially on your anniversary. You and your spouse can make your own cake in the flavors you chose for your wedding day (or have a friend help you if neither of you are especially skilled in the kitchen). If you have a recipe for your reception punch, you can mix that up, too–then enjoy it from your his and hers stem glasses (if you kept them!) while you savor the cake.

3. MAKE A MEMORY BOOK TOGETHER

Whether you break out the photo prints or prefer a digital album, making a memory book of any sort is a great way to recall happy memories together. Buy yourselves a new album and get to work rearranging your photos, or use an online printing service to make a photo book that showcases your favorite memories from engagement, your wedding day, and beyond. You can go to sites such as MyCreativeShop and look through their design templates for you to choose from.

4. REVISIT SPECIAL PLACES

Maybe you’ve been married for twenty years…maybe just for one. No matter how long you’ve been together, a great anniversary adventure for you might involve re-creating your first date or revisiting the place where your spouse proposed. Focus on places and experiences that have been significant to you in your relationship. If you no longer live near those places or can’t easily travel to them, start new traditions together in a special place where you are now.

5. RENEW YOUR VOWS

Renewing your vows on your anniversary can be a meaningful way to verbalize your lifelong commitment to each other. You can take the traditional route–or you could jump outside the box and write new vows to one another. Are there things you’d include today that you didn’t think of when you first wrote your vows? Now that you’ve shared a life together (for however many years), there are things you’ll love and appreciate about one another that you might not have been tuned into during the early years. Include those special things in your new vows that will carry you forward into the next phases of life together.

6. CELEBRATE WITH YOUR FRIENDS

All anniversaries are milestones, but depending on your own story, some anniversaries feel more significant than others. Have you just come through a really tough season together? Have you reached a goal you’ve been dreaming of and planning for, for years? Are you healing from marital issues or just simply celebrating the wonderful years you’ve had? Throw a mini reception and invite your friends. It doesn’t have to elaborate or expensive–but sharing a little cake and punch (or finger foods) with your closest friends and family to celebrate your years together could be a nice touch for your upcoming anniversary. If you were hoping to push the boat out a little for your anniversary celebrations but are worried about not having enough funds to cover throwing such an event, you could get private financing to help you afford all the festivities.

7. MAKE A SHADOWBOX OF YOUR WEDDING MEMORIES

Many of us have wedding trinkets tucked away in storage somewhere–programs, printed napkins, gloves, little sachets of bird seed, the bride’s garter, pieces of keepsake jewelry, dried flowers you’ve carefully stored over the years. Why not create a shadowbox together to put those mementos on display? Include one or two of your favorite wedding photographs and you’ll have something beautiful to enjoy together for years to come. An idea my friend had for her shadowbox was to include a lovely watch she brought from WatchShopping, if you’re interested in getting yourself one, learn more here. She could not of been happier with her transation and the watch will always hold a special place in both of their hearts. If you would like help with your relationship or help enhancing your relationship, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with one of our counselors or coaches.

4 Ways to Support Your Spouse’s Creativity

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4 Ways to Support Your Spouse’s Creativity

By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

Creative pursuits add an exciting dimension to our lives. Music, theatre, art, writing, dance–these are just a few of the creative outlets you or your spouse might enjoy. But if you’re not particularly creative, what are some ways to support your spouse’s passions?

1. SHOW INTEREST IN THEIR CREATIVE PURSUITS.

Your spouse’s passion for creativity adds meaning, joy, and purpose to their life–and it can do the same for you. Whether your spouse is painting, sculpting, dancing, writing, singing, playing music, or any number of other creative pursuits, it’s important to show interest in what they’re creating.

Is your spouse a painter, graphic designer, or illustrator? Ask to see pieces of their work. Does your spouse perform on stage? Go see a play or musical they’re in. Is your spouse a musician? Ask them to play for you or ask to hear their latest recording. Does your spouse write? Read something they’ve written.

When your spouse lets you into their creative world, it’s important not to offer unwanted critique of their work. Try to respond to their creations or performances in a positive and supportive way. Your spouse is being vulnerable by allowing you to be a part of their creativity, so treat it gently.

If you find yourself uninterested in your spouse’s passions, it’s important to remind yourself how much this means to him or her. Set a calendar reminder to periodically ask about what your spouse is up to lately, and whether you can see their latest work. Marriage is all about compromise and sacrifice, so give your spouse some much-needed attention in this area of your life that’s so important to them.

2. GIVE THEM THE TIME THEY NEED TO CREATE.

Creativity takes time, which is a commodity for most busy adults (especially for parents of young children). Give your spouse the gift of time by:

  • Volunteering to take care of certain weekly tasks so that he or she has a little extra time
  • Occupying the kids for a little while so he or she can paint, write, practice, etc.
  • Making sure not to interrupt them while they’re working
  • Supporting that designated space and time with thing that make them more comfortable (music, coffee, cozy socks, art supplies, etc.)

It has been said that we can’t help others if we don’t put on our oxygen masks first. For your spouse, that creative outlet is their oxygen mask. So extend the gift of creative time, and you’ll both reap the benefits.

3. UNDERSTAND THIS IS PART OF WHO THEY ARE.

Most likely, you realized your spouse had a creative streak when you were dating. Now that you’re married, it’s still the same. During the early years of marriage, it’s common for creative pursuits and outside activities to fall by the wayside while the two of you get to know each other and settle into your new life together (although that isn’t always the case). But at some point, if you spouse has set aside their creative passions for one reason or another, they’re going to want to pick them up again.

You might feel resistant to the idea, especially if it means giving up some of the time you want to spend with your spouse. But remember, this is a part of who they are. It’s not fair to your spouse for you to deny that part of them, any more than it is for them to deny or reject an important part of your own identity. Every day that you honor and love your spouse’s whole self, you’re giving them a tremendous gift.

4. FIND JOY IN THEIR HAPPINESS.

Joy is contagious. When your spouse is creating, they are full of joy–so allow that joy to make its way into your heart, too.

Do you have creative interests you’ve never pursued–or haven’t pursued in a long time? Let your spouse’s passion inspire you to step outside your comfort zone and try something new. Then, the two of you can deepen your intimacy by sharing your creative pursuits and making time for one another’s passions.

If you would like more help in the area of your relationship with your spouse or potential spouse, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with one of our counselors or coaches.

Finances: How to Get on the Same Page With Your Spouse

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Finances: How to Get on the Same Page With Your Spouse

By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

Money is a loaded issue in most marriages because it represents the ability to get the things we need and want. It tends to become an issue of power, dictating who makes the decisions and whose dreams get fulfilled. Needless to say, discussions about money, bills, and budgeting can generate some powerful emotions. If life insurance has become a bone of contention in your relationship, it might be time to click here.

It’s not always easy to navigate money matters, especially in the early years of your marriage when you’re trying to figure out a retirement planning checklist. In today’s post, we’re going to explore some ways you and your spouse can get on the same page about your finances–and stay there.

WHICH ONE OF US SHOULD HANDLE THE FINANCES?

When it comes to handling the finances, the best decision is what works best for you as a couple. This could look like one spouse primarily handling all the finances (which is often the case in many marriages) or you could split responsibilities according to what each of you is most comfortable with handling. The most important thing is to generate positive discussion around the subject and avoid putting unnecessary pressure on each other as you hash it all out. In any case, it can be a good idea to hire a company that deals with jacksonville wealth management, or wherever it is that you live, in order to have a healthy approach to your finances.

If you’re going to be handling the finances together, make a checklist of all the financial details that you and your spouse need to manage every month, then decide who handles each item. Create calendar reminders to keep up with payment due dates and be diligent to check in with each other to make sure all the bases are covered.

If just one of you is going to take on the bulk of the money management in your household, make sure you both agree to this arrangement and feel comfortable with it. One spouse taking the reins doesn’t mean he or she is going to be controlling your finances. Rather, the person who handles the majority of the bill-paying should primarily be taking care of recurring monthly payments and keeping an eye on where you stand financially.

However, you decide to handle money in your marriage, agree together on the parameters surrounding it. It’s important to set a budget that will give each of you freedom, but also accountability; for example, you might want to decide how much spending money you each get every month that doesn’t require you to report back to each other or share every single receipt.

HOW DO WE PREVENT THE MONTHLY FIGHTS OVER BILLS AND BUDGETS?

If your regular financial check-ins tend to dissolve into ugly fights, take a step back to see how you can work together to prevent those unnecessary conflicts. Do you have different spending or saving styles? Does one or both of you hate dealing with financial matters? Does budgeting stress you out?

One easy way to prevent the monthly money fight is to make decisions about how your money gets dispersed before you ever sit down with the books. Then, figure out the non-negotiables for each of you; what items do you need every month (or every two months), and what do they cost? As we mentioned above, you might want to agree on a finite amount of money that each of you gets every month to avoid excessive check-ins surrounding purchases.

Automating some of your monthly bills can reduce the amount of work you have to do when you sit down with the finances. If one of you hates handling finances and wants to be hands-off, delegate the remaining bill-paying tasks to the other.

Furthermore, if you discover that you are paying too much for your energy bills do not be afraid to shop around or switch to another provider to find a better deal. Saving money on your electricity and energy bills could be as simple as reading some Champion Energy reviews and comparing these to reviews of your current provider.

We all have different styles when it comes to money, so it’s important to know where you both stand and what’s going on with your money so you can make the best choices possible going forward. Some people like to spend; some like to save. Others are skilled at handling administrative tasks, while others are money-avoiders. Wherever you stand, don’t run from the subject of finances. Both of you really need to know what’s going on, whether one or both of you is ultimately handling the bills.

WHAT IF MY SPOUSE GETS DEFENSIVE EVERY TIME I BRING UP MONEY?

What do you do when you can barely broach the subject of money with your spouse? Does he or she become defensive when you attempt to discuss enacting a budget or reevaluating your finances?

A lot of people equate how much they make with how valuable they are to their spouses and families. It’s an identifiable, results-oriented way of defining themselves. If your spouse is feeling insecure about the amount of money they make, it’s possible that they could be mistakenly reading messages of disapproval from you when you bring up the topic.

It’s important to communicate to your spouse that you’re not evaluating their value as a person or a provider when you bring up financial matters. Tell them you respect them, you love the work they do for your family, and you want to strategize together so that you can both steward your money well.

If your spouse responds in a reactive or defensive way when you talk to them about money, it’s important to work together to find out where it’s coming from. Explore these issues in a natural course of conversation. How did their parents approach finances and make decisions regarding money? What were some differences between their family and yours? Maybe there are some deeply embedded beliefs in their mind that get triggered when you bring up the topic, and talking these things through could help you unravel them.

No matter what, remember that finances are an emotional issue for most couples–but don’t run from the conversation. It’s important to get on the same page with one another to create a shared vision for your future together.

If you would like help communicating about finances with your loved one, please give CornerStone Family Services a call at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

3 Reasons Why Tender Touch Cultivates Deeper Intimacy

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3 Reasons Why Tender Touch Cultivates Deeper Intimacy

By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

It’s well known that giving birth can often mean less intimacy in the bedroom. Sometimes it means you’re too busy to be intimate as often as you used to and sometimes intimacy completely stops and the man has to turn to a bangin betty. However, it doesn’t always have to be this way — using tender touch can seriously help your intimacy issues.

When our oldest son was born, we learned more about the unbelievable power of human touch than we ever thought possible. He was born 3 months premature and weighed one pound–and our touch was life-sustaining to him.

Over the months we spent with him in the hospital, we began to talk more about what tender touch does for us in our marriage–not the kind of touch that leads to something more in the bedroom for that is a different tender and intimate touch, which leads us to using delay spray for men so we can enjoy fun for longer, but the kind of touch that connects and reassures.

Not only does touch cultivate deeper intimacy; it helps us communicate with each other on another level. It sustains and strengthens our connection. And it’s an essential part of a healthy, happy marriage.

1. TOUCH HELPS US FEEL SECURE, KNOWN, AND LOVED

Tender touch conveys our love for one another, and creates a level of emotional safety that opens the door for deeper intimacy. It’s this deep kind of emotional security that leads to more physical desire for one another in the long run. Although we all want to experience a healthy sex life with our spouse, it’s critical to build that foundation.

When we feel valued, we’re more likely to show vulnerability to one another. Affectionate touch doesn’t shut us down; instead, it opens us to that intimacy we’re craving from one another–on multiple levels.

To feel seen, heard, and truly known by your spouse is a powerful component in the health of your marriage. Little daily moments and habits that are meaningful build upon each other and lead to something amazing in our marriages. Use touch to show your spouse that you’re watching, listening to, and valuing him or her.

Like our tiny infant son, touch is essential to our well-being in our marriages; without that daily contact, we can’t thrive.

2. TOUCH KEEPS US CONNECTED

Tender touch awakens us and reminds us of why we fell in love in the first place. It’s a way to tell one another, “I’m for you.” It’s a reminder that we’re not enemies–we’re on the same team.

Some ways you can stay connected with tender touch are:

  • A massage after a long day at work
  • Comforting hugs when your spouse is down
  • Touching your spouse when you’re talking or laughing
  • Holding hands in town
  • Putting an arm around your spouse during worship

Tender touch is particularly important when you’re going through a difficult time in your life or marriage. If you’ve been experiencing a lot of conflict, problems with your children or extended family, health issues, etc., stay connected by making physical contact daily–two to three minutes total, at minimum. You’ll be surprised how much you accomplish emotionally by intentionally touching one another every day.

3. TOUCH COMMUNICATES AFFECTION WITHOUT AGENDA

Tender touch isn’t meant to lead directly to the bedroom; instead, it’s meant to convey affection without an agenda attached. It’s meant to be a selfless, supportive act instead of a means to an end.

We touch our spouses because we love them and cherish them; if we only touch them when we have an agenda, they might start to feel resentful of the fact that you only make physical contact when you want something.

Practice tender touch without expecting sex in return. Be playful and affectionate. Passion is an important component of marriage, but it’s not the only form of physical affection you and your spouse need to share.

(As an added bonus, the more physical affection you share without an agenda attached, the more you and your spouse will desire one another in that passionate way! And you’ll find that you inevitably build anticipation for those private moments while you’re showing one another affection.)

If you would like help in the area of intimacy and relationships, please give CornerStone Family Services a call at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

Stuck in a Rut? 3 Ways to Revive the Excitement in Your Marriage

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Stuck in a Rut? 3 Ways to Revive the Excitement in Your Marriage

By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

From time to time, every married couple gets stuck in a rut. It can happen for many different reasons, but the results are similar: ruts leave us feeling like life has just become “blah.”

Fortunately, this is totally normal–and you two can work together to break out of your rut if you’re willing to put in the effort. Today, we’ve put together 3 ways to revive the excitement in your marriage.

It’s important that you and your spouse work together to shake things up. Even though you might feel like you’re in a rut, your spouse might not; the important thing here is that you don’t make this personal, because it happens to everyone.

This rut isn’t necessarily anyone’s fault; it’s about some routines in your life you’d like to liven up. It’s not necessarily about your spouse, about you, or about your children. Communication is key here, so treat one another with kindness, understanding, and love as you move forward.

1. TAKE STOCK OF YOUR CURRENT ROUTINE.

If you feel like your life is on autopilot, you’ve probably spent a fair amount of time stewing over it already. So, hash things out with your spouse. Whether you need to make a list together or just talk it through, get clear on the areas of your life where you’d like to have more variety.

Here are some common areas that can fall into a slump:

  • Date nights
  • Meals
  • Shared activities
  • Outings with friends
  • Sex
  • Daily routines
  • Family time

If the two of you mutually agree that certain parts of your life feel like they’re in a rut, prioritize those areas first and start making changes at whatever pace works best for your family. If you can only take baby steps, that’s fine–but start taking them now.

If you disagree, see if you can find a happy medium that will work for both of you. Is there something you can both compromise on? For example, let’s say your spouse has a cooking routine that he or she follows for meal prep every week and you want to shake it up–but your spouse is resistant. Work together to land on a few meal ideas that could fit into the existing routine instead of changing it completely.

Breaking out of a rut takes work, but it’s well worth the effort. Ready to liven things up?

2. BREAK YOUR ROUTINE…ON PURPOSE.

Once you and your spouse have decided on what areas in your life need a little extra spark, it’s time for action. Here are a few ideas for the areas we listed above:

  • Date nights – Too comfortable going out to the same places over and over? For an entire month, commit to trying out new destinations for your romantic date nights.
  • Meals – Try at least one new meal at home every week. It’ll allow you to hold onto the stability of your existing routine, while throwing something and exciting into the mix.
  • Shared activities – Instead of going to the tennis court for your daily exercise, why not try biking together? Make a list of a few new activities you’d like to try, pick one, and go for it.
  • Outings with friends – If your outings with other married couples have fallen into too predictable of a routine, suggest something new. For example, if your weekly get-together has always involved playing cards, ask your friends if they would like to purchase some Ed Sheeran Tickets and head out for a night of romantic music instead.
  • Sex – It’s not uncommon to let outside responsibilities reduce our sex lives to a predictable pattern. Set aside some extra time alone together and break that routine!
  • Daily routines – If you feel like you’re just going through the motions everyday, find ways to make your routine more pleasant when you’re starting your day. Maybe you’ve got it down to a science, but it just feels boring; why not play some new, upbeat music to make it feel more exciting?
  • Family time – Not feeling very creative when it’s time to go out with the spouse and kids? Ask the kids for ideas!

Once you’ve begun changing your usual pattern around–even if it’s just in a small way–you’ll start to feel reinvigorated and more excited about life.

3. PLAN TO BE MORE SPONTANEOUS.

We know, we know–it sounds crazy. But if you and your spouse plan to be deliberately spontaneous more often, spontaneity will actually happen! (And, it won’t feel contrived.) Set yourself a reminder on your calendar every week to do something out-of-the-blue that will be fun, romantic, or exciting for you and your spouse.

Most of us crave some measure of spontaneity in our marriages, but when it’s not happening, we don’t know how to address it. Even though it can feel strange to set an intention or make plans to be more spontaneous, it’ll pay dividends–we promise!

Life is busy and things can get mundane; sometimes, the only way to combat that is to decide you’re not going to let it stay the same. Don’t wait for one another to liven things up; talk about it, and then take action.

If you would like help with your marriage, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.