How to Intentionally Pursue Joy With Your Spouse

Posted on: August 23, 2017 by: Seth evans

How to Intentionally Pursue Joy With Your Spouse

By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott

Keeping your marriage infused with joy is one of the greatest challenges–but can also be one of the biggest adventures–in your life as a couple. After the honeymoon, life can get bogged down by day-to-day drudgery and less-than-ideal circumstances that are beyond your control. And while it’s a little too easy to let these things drown your happiness, it’s important for the two of you to stay focused on finding the joy that keeps you moving forward, no matter what.

Today, we’re sharing some tips on how to intentionally pursue joy together, so that when the going gets tough, the hard times won’t destroy your happiness.

1. GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER AGAIN.

In the early part of your relationship, you two seemed to know everything about each other, right? You knew your spouse’s favorite movies, foods, songs, colors, and bands. You knew what made him or her tick, and you knew the perfect ways to make one another happy.

But how long have you been married? Even if you’ve only been married for a few years, some of those details may have changed. The longer we’re together, the more changes we’ll experience over time. So if it’s been awhile since you asked, it might be time to get to know your husband or wife all over again.

What matters most to your spouse? Are their favorite things still their favorites now, or have they moved on to new and different interests? If you haven’t been paying attention, now’s the perfect time to get caught up. Share your new favorites with your spouse, too.

Another great way to reconnect is to tell each other stories about your childhood that you might not know about each other. This will deepen your sense of connection and give one another insight into parts of your lives that you may not have shared before.

When you get back in touch with the core of who your spouse is, not only will you feel closer to one another–you’ll feel more joyful and more in love than ever.

2. STAY POSITIVE.

The world is full of enough bad news as it is, right? On top of that, most couples are dealing with near-constant crises of one kind of another. It’s just part of life. But if you want to pursue joy in your marriage, it’s critical to minimize the voices of negativity in your life and keep things as positive as you can.

We can’t avoid talking about and dealing with heavy topics; it’s totally fine, normal, and healthy to address the issues in your life. But don’t dwell on the negative all the time. If you’re going through a hard time in your life (or someone close to you is), it won’t be easy to shift your communication into positive messages, but making the effort to do so will pay dividends for your marriage.

When you come together after a long work day or finally go out on that date night you’ve been looking forward to, tell each other about the good things that have been going on at work, at home, or in your activities. Tell your spouse something good that happened to you that day. On the flipside, ask your spouse what the best part of his or her day was.

It’s also inspiring and effective to keep a journal of the things you’re thankful for and the things you love about each other. When you’re having a “down” day, just add to or refer to your existing list and the gratitude will help lift your spirits.

If you’ve allowed negativity to rule your life, it might take some time to shift the polarity. But stick with it, because it can be done–and you’ll thank yourselves when you realize how much more joy you have in your life as a result.

3. MAKE ‘EM LAUGH!

For an instant shot of joy, find a way to make your spouse laugh. Better yet, look for little ways every day to bring a smile to your spouse’s face.

You know your spouse better than anyone else, so you most likely “get” their sense of humor and know what’s going to make them laugh. Actively seek out ways to tickle their funny bone, because laughter is medicine.

Here are a few quick ways to get a chuckle out of your husband or wife:

Utilize social media to find memes or videos that they’ll appreciate
Throw out a silly quote or two from a funny movie or show they like
Look up jokes in their particular “flavor” of humor to share
Impersonate a character or celebrity for them
Settle down for a date night in with a funny movie, show, or stand-up comedy routine
Go see a new funny movie or attend an event that you know will make your spouse laugh

You’re creative and you know what your spouse likes, so use our handy list or an idea of your own, and get to laughing!

If you would like help pursuing joy with your spouse, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.

Funday Friday: Rob Lowe Humor

Posted on: March 17, 2017 by: Seth evans

If you would like help adding more humor and joy into your life, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.

Three Simple Steps to More Joy in Your Life and Relationships

Posted on: March 16, 2017 by: Seth evans

Three Simple Steps to More Joy in Your Life and Relationships

By Shaunti Feldhahn

Does your mother-in-law make you want to pull your hair out by criticizing every move you make? Maybe your wife doesn’t appreciate all the things you do for your family, or it’s your husband who takes you for granted and always seems angry.

Perhaps you dread going to work every day because your boss talks down to you and you’ve had enough.

Or maybe it isn’t a bad relationship, but a good one … and you want it to be great.

What if you had the power to transform that relationship into one that is positive and brings joy into your life?

I’ve got great news …You do have the power. In fact, you have a superpower and it’s called kindness. Let me explain.

I’m a social researcher; and after years of study on what we call the 30-Day Kindness Challenge, we found three actions anyone can do to transform any relationship. Because targeted kindness is a potent weapon and will soften any heart.

Including our own!

Here’s what you do. Pick that someone with whom you want a better relationship. For 30 days, you will:

Say nothing negative about your person—either to them or about them to someone else. If you must provide negative feedback (for example, to discipline a child or correct a subordinate’s mistake), be constructive and encouraging without a negative tone.

Every day, find one thing that you can sincerely praise or affirm about your person and tell them, and tell someone else.

Every day, do one small act of kindness or generosity for them.

That’s it! So simple. And yet in our research for The Kindness Challenge, 89% of relationships improved!

What does this look like in practice? Well, suppose you and your teenage daughter have been pushing each other’s buttons for weeks. Every conversation with her is like a minefield, not knowing what will set her off.

During the 30-Day Kindness Challenge, you resist the urge to ask “Why did you wait until the last minute to do your homework??” (No sighing in exasperation, either!) And you completely stop yourself from venting about it with your husband or your friends at work. (This is just for thirty days, remember!) Instead, you look for things to praise. So you notice that it was really nice of her to take her little brother to get ice cream. You thank her for it – and then you tell your friends at work about the nice thing she did.

You’re also looking for that little act of generosity to do each day. So when you know she wants to meet her friends at the coffee shop after dinner but it’s her turn to clean the kitchen, you sincerely say, “I’ve got this. You go ahead and go. Have a great time.”

Trust me: Starting this process will show us a whole lot about what needs to change. Not just in the other person: but in us. You will see just how negative you have been, in ways you never realized before. (In The Kindness Challenge I outline the seven distinct types of negativity we found in the research, ranging from exasperation to overt criticism to suspicion. I strongly recommend you find out your negativity patterns, so you can watch for them!)

But as you go, you will also see something amazing: you will see your feelings changing. Not only will you experience more joy and feel better about yourself, you’ll also start appreciating the other person more. You’ll see their defenses lowering. And you may see enjoyment and positivity in the relationship you haven’t seen in years. An effort toward kindness won’t solve every problem – especially the big ones like addiction – but it will make them easier to solve.

If you would like help in adding more joy in your relationships, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

Funday Friday: New Year’s Resolution Motivation Humor

Posted on: December 30, 2016 by: Seth evans

Here’s some Funday Friday humor to assist with your New Year’s resolution motivation.

If you would like some help with your humor and joy in your life, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

The Neuroscience of Singing

Posted on: December 22, 2016 by: Seth evans

The Neuroscience of Singing

By Cassandra Sheppard

The science is in. Singing is really, really good for you and the most recent research suggests that group singing is the most exhilarating and transformative of all.

The good feelings we get from singing in a group are a kind of evolutionary reward for coming together cooperatively.

The research suggests that creating music together evolved as a tool of social living. Groups and tribes sang and danced together to build loyalty, transmit vital information and ward off enemies.

Science Supports Singing

What has not been understood until recently is that singing in groups triggers the communal release of serotonin and oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and even synchronises our heart beats.

Group singing literally incentivised community over an “each cave dweller for themselves” approach. Those who sang together were strongly bonded and survived.

In her book Imperfect Harmony: Finding Happiness Singing with Others, Stacy Horn calls singing:

An infusion of the perfect tranquiliser – the kind that both soothes your nerves and elevates your spirit.

Singing Makes You Happy

For a decade, science has been hard at work trying to explain why singing has such a calming yet energising effect on people. Numerous studies demonstrate that singing releases endorphins and oxytocin – which in turn relieve anxiety and stress and which are linked to feelings of trust and bonding.

Singing helps people with depression and reduces feelings of loneliness, leaving people feeling relaxed, happy and connected. Music and singing has the ability to transform a person’s life and to help them feel better both mentally and physically. Another method that can provide the same benefits of reducing any depression that you are experiencing, is taking certain strains of medical marijuana, (you can look at places similar to leaf2go for more information), as this has been known to help relax the mind and body. But who knew that singing could make such a positive difference? What’s more, the benefits of singing regularly are cumulative. People who sing have reduced levels of cortisol, indicating lower stress.

UK singer, singing teacher and choir leader Sophia Efthimiou describes singing as a process of consciously controlling our breath and larynx to create and sustain certain pitches and we blend that with rhythm and poetry to create songs.

In a group setting, each group member feels the musical vibrations moving through their body simultaneously. Our heart beats become synchronised. Sophia explains:

We literally form one unified heart beat.

Anybody Can Sing

One of the great things about singing is that you can receive the wellbeing benefits even if you aren’t any good. One study showed that:

Group singing can produce satisfying and therapeutic sensations even when the sound produced by the vocal instrument is of mediocre quality.

Tania de Jong, singer and founder of Creativity Australia, has effectively harnessed this ability of group singing to lift every member of the group up, no matter their singing ability.

One of the great things about singing is that is connects you to the right side of your brain. This is the side responsible for intuition, imagination and all our creative functions. It connects us to a world of possibilities. In modern life we are constantly bombarded with so much information that we process and analyse. We tend to get stuck in the left, processing side of our brain. So it becomes fundamentally important to nurture the attributes of human beings that set us apart from machines. The best way to do that is singing.

Sing Anywhere, Anytime

These benefits are free and accessible to all. We all have a voice. We can all sing, even if we don’t think we can.

There was a time when we all used to sing. We sang at church, around camp fires, at school. While group singing is experiencing a resurgence, not so many of us sing anymore. At some stage, someone told us to be quiet or judged our imperfect singing voice. Sophia Efthimiou suggests that singing is very personal, an expression of sound coming from within us, so we cannot help but take this criticism very personally and it sticks.

Yet, people who claim they cannot sing because they are tone deaf are more likely to be very unfamiliar with finding and using their singing voice.

Tone deafness is comparatively rare and means that you would be unable to recognise a song. If you can recognise a song you are not tone deaf, you are just unpractised. In fact, almost anyone can improve their singing just through practice and you can even use something like this starmarker app on fileproto to help you improve your voice by singing along karaoke-style to many of your favorite songs. Being a good singer just comes down to practice and confidence. Once you do have the song ready, all you have got to do is to have the confidence of showing the world what you are capable of! Registering yourself on music platforms like YouTube or SoundCloud might do your confidence a whole lot of good. If garnering followers is something you are worried about, opting for sites that help promote Soundcloud users could be a good option. Whatever the situation though, don’t give up. Sophia clarifies:

When our voice makes the wrong note we can feel terrible as though it is a reflection of our self worth. But – if you can talk, you can sing.

Raise Your Voice

US opera singer Katie Kat wishes to encourage all of us to sing far more often regardless of our perceived skill.

Singing increases self-awareness, self-confidence and our ability to communicate with others. It decreases stress, comforts us and helps us to forge our identity and influence our world.

When you sing, musical vibration moves through you, altering your physical and emotional state. Singing is as old as the hills. It is innate, ancient and within all of us. It really is one of the most uplifting therapeutic things we can do. Katie continues:

However, society has skewed views on the value of singing. Singing has become something reserved for elite talent or highly produced stars with producers, management, concert dates – leaving the rest of us with destructive criticism of our own voices.

She claims that singing is instinctual and necessary to our existence. You do not have to be an amazing singer to benefit from the basic biological benefits and with practice the benefits increase.

Singing Creates Connection

I have fond memories of hearing my grandmother singing throughout the day and of large group singing sessions with her friends.

One of my favourite memories of group singing is the old Scots tradition on New Year’s Eve of singing Auld Lang Syne. My grandmother and all her friends would stand in a big circle just before midnight.

Everyone would hold hands, and then at the beginning of the final verse we would cross our arms across our bodies so that our left hand was holding the hand of the person on our right, and the right hand holds that of the person on the left. When the song ended, everyone would rush to the middle, still holding hands. It was beautiful fun and as a young girl I felt so safe, included and loved within that singing circle.

The phrase “auld lang syne” roughly translates as “for old times’ sake”, and the song is all about preserving old friendships and looking back over the events of the year.

A tradition worth resurrecting, considering the benefits of singing in a group.

If you would like help in increasing your joy, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a counselor or coach.

Depressed and Thankful: Six Ways to Find Joy

Posted on: December 7, 2016 by: Seth evans

Depressed and Thankful: Six Ways to Find Joy

By Stacy Reaoch

It was only about a year into our marriage when I had my first bout with mild depression. And it didn’t make sense to me. I finally was married to the man of my dreams. I had landed my first teaching job. We had started a new life together and were making new friends. But for whatever reason, my heart was downcast. Life felt overwhelming, like I wanted to pull the covers up over my head and stay in bed for the day.

The constant sadness in my heart finally led me to go to a doctor to share how I’d been feeling. Instead of quickly writing a prescription, my physician wisely talked through the major life changes I had experienced in the last twelve months – college graduation, moving away from family, marriage, my first real job – and assured me that my roller-coaster emotions were normal in light of all I had experienced in one year.

Eventually, I came out of that gray fogginess, but over the years of my adult life there have been other times where I’ve started to slide into the pit of despair. A melancholy side to my personality makes me prone to see the glass as half empty. I realize that for many individuals medication is truly necessary. But the weapon that has made the most difference in my life in fighting depression, and something we can all benefit from, is gratitude.

Ultimately, one of the most important things to remember about depression is that there are multiple different therapies and techniques out there that can make managing your mental health a little easier. For example, some people find that using products infused with cannabis can boost their mood. You can find out more about using cannabis alongside depression by visiting a dispensary such as Canna Cabana Toronto, CA. Just remember to do your own research too to make sure that this is the right decision for you and your mental health needs.

Worship Grows in Gratitude

In Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth’s excellent book Choosing Gratitude, she makes the point that we are either whining or worshiping. Our natural, sinful state makes us prone to see what we lack, what we don’t have, and what’s gone wrong in our lives.

Complaining is often my default response. Just the other day I noticed how even though I’d had a relatively good day, as soon as my husband walked in the door after work, I talked about the kids’ after-school squabble, our little guy’s potty-training accident, and did I forget to mention the freezer isn’t working right?

Often the things that pour off our tongues to others can be complaints of things not going our way or how we’ve been mistreated by others. We’re a rights-oriented culture, and if we don’t get what we think is rightfully ours, we storm off in anger or despair. Often, we slip on the sins of entitlement and discontentment down the slope to anxiety and depression. We can become surrounded by dark thoughts and unmet expectations that weigh down our hearts and put a cloud over our minds.

On the other hand, we will never be able to lift our hearts from despair to worship without expressing thanks to God. The theme of thanksgiving runs throughout all of Scripture. In the Psalms we’re commanded to give thanks to God:

Oh give thanks to the Lord; call upon his name; make known his deeds among the peoples! (Psalm 105:1)

Thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! (Psalm 107:8)

The book of Colossians also carries the theme of thanksgiving. In Colossians 3:14–17, Paul mentions thankfulness three different times, one of them being, “Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful” (Colossians 3:15). Likewise, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us that it is God’s will to give thanks in all circumstances.

Six Tactics to Topple Ingratitude

God calls us to be thankful people. And it’s the very attitude of thanksgiving that can transform our lives. If you find yourself wandering down the dark path of depression and despair, here are six simple ways to fight for joy through gratefulness.

1. Fill your mind with the truths of God’s word.

Meditate on verses regarding thankfulness like Colossians 3:15–17. Commit to memory God’s commands to be thankful.

2. Remember God’s goodness and faithfulness to you.

Just as the Israelites were prone to forget all God had done for them during their time in the wilderness, so we too can forget. The discipline of remembering through writing down God’s blessings or retelling them to others has a way of stirring up gratitude in our hearts.

3. Ask God to put a guard over your mouth.

Instead of venting your frustrations from each day, look for reasons to rejoice. An attitude of gratitude is just as easily spread as a complaining spirit. Seek to be known as a Spirit-filled, joyful person, instead of a whining, disgruntled one.

4. Aim to make gratefulness your knee-jerk reaction to your circumstances.

When you hear news for the first time, ask yourself, “What can I be grateful for in this circumstance?” I always remember a story of a family that found out their daughter had died suddenly. As they joined hands to pray and mourn, the father first and foremost thanked the Lord for the years they had together. What an example of gratitude, even in the midst of great loss.

5. Put your thankfulness into words.

Write down five things to be grateful for as soon as you sense yourself heading down the miry path of despair. Sometimes it’s as simple as a cup of hot tea on a cold day, or a flower blooming outside my window. Listing God’s daily blessings has been one of the most transformative things in my life. By putting gratefulness into words – whether spoken or written – an abstract idea like thankfulness becomes much more concrete.

6. Look for specific evidences of God’s grace.

Search your life and the lives of others around you for grace. My faith is strengthened when I see God answer a prayer, when I notice the fruit of patience when I don’t cry over spilled milk, or when a long-awaited prayer request for my friend’s desire to be a mom is fulfilled through adoption. Intentionally watching for God at work gives me much to be grateful for.

Funday Friday: Cheesy Fun Pun

Posted on: October 14, 2016 by: Seth evans

Here is a cheesy fun pun for your Funday Friday:

cheesy

If you would like to add some more humor or joy to your life, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.

Funday Friday: Dog Vest Humor

Posted on: October 7, 2016 by: Seth evans

Here is some vest humor told by a dog for your Funday Friday:

If you would like to add some more joy or humor to your life, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.

Funday Friday: Dog Clock Humor

Posted on: September 23, 2016 by: Seth evans

Here’s a little clock humor told by a dog for your Funday Friday:

If you would like to add some humor or more joy to your life, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.

Funday Friday: Dad Joke Humor

Posted on: August 5, 2016 by: Seth evans

Here’s a “Dad Joke” to add some humor into your life as your Funday Friday post:

If you would like to add some more joy or humor into your life, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.