Fighting Fair

By Tim and Joy Downs

Pick out a board game—any game will do. Now take off the lid, turn it over, and search for these words:

“Roll the dice to see who goes first. Play proceeds clockwise … ” All games include directions to make sure everyone knows whose turn it is. But conflict, as you recall, is a game without rules. In a disagreement it isn’t always easy to know who goes first, who comes next, and who just got left out.

There’s a simple set of instructions that can help create order out of this chaos. In the game of conflict, the order of play goes like this: Listen long; then speak short—and don’t forget to pass the dice.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? It’s not. Being a good listener is hard. When you do it right, the game proceeds nicely and both of you get to play; when you spend too much time speaking to listen well, each of you thinks it’s his turn and both players are scrambling for the dice.

Here are some helpful suggestions about listening to improve the order of play in your next disagreement.

For the full article, check out the original blog post.

If you would like help in your marriage or relationship, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003.

Overcoming the Fighting: Chores and Bills

By Drs Les and Leslie Parrott

You and your spouse have sunken into the grind of everyday life, and now you’re up to your eyeballs in chores and bills. You could always try an energy comparison website to make sure you are getting the best deal on your utility bills to start. On top of all that, you’re fighting over who should handle what! Maybe your spouse has skipped out on housework, leaving you in the lurch.

You feel like everything is on your plate–but literally every plate in your house is filthy! What do you do?

Today, we’re sharing suggestions for how to break a stalemate when it comes to doing the chores and paying the bills. Arguing over bills will always be a source of frustration. Although, it can sometimes open the dialogue towards researching alternative Energy Plans that could save you money in the long run. So who should do what, anyway? And how do you figure it out together when you’re already at odds?

DIVIDE & CONQUER

Have an honest conversation about all the things that need to get done around the house, and where you stand on each item. Each of you have strengths and weaknesses when it comes to taking care of business at home. Focus on your strengths, and where you may be able to compliment one another.

For example, maybe your wife hates washing the dishes, but you don’t mind. That’s great! You can step in and take over dishwashing duty, while she takes out the trash (something you’re not fond of doing).

Where will you be most effective? What about your spouse? Honing in on these attributes will simplify division of labor in your home.

GIVE A LITTLE, TAKE A LITTLE

You two are a team, right? Dividing chores between the two of you won’t necessarily be the most enjoyable task…mainly because you’ll each have to claim jobs that you really don’t want.

Remember to put your spouse first. Maybe neither of you want to scrub the toilets, and you’re locked in a stalemate. Don’t be afraid to step up and take that unpleasant job, without complaining or arguing with your spouse.

Being willing to compromise for one another means that your chances of getting into a fight over chores or bills will plummet. And once you step up and take on a task you don’t really want, your spouse will be more likely to do the same for you on the next round.

DON’T MAKE DEMANDS

By the same token, if you refuse to take the high road by compromising first–and, even worse, make demands of your spouse–you could be sailing into very hot water.

It might be tempting to lay out your list of demands when you powwow with your spouse about who does the chores…but be prepared for them to dig their heels in. If you’re going to act stubborn, they’ll feel justified in doing the same. Maybe include them in the purchase of cleaning materials and equipment such as trying to find the best carpet cleaning solution for stain removal.

CIRCLE BACK LATER

Set a future date with your spouse to revisit the agreement you’ve made, and don’t be afraid to make any tweaks or adjustments necessary. Maybe you’re tired of the chore rotation you’re on, and would like a little variety. You and your spouse can switch some tasks to break the monotony.

With a little patience and cooperation, the two of you can establish a better system that will leave both of you feeling happier and much more peaceful!