Dealing With a Destructive Ex-Spouse

One of the most menacing dynamics attacking the health of a stepfamily is a destructive parent in the other home.

By Ron L. Deal

Sarah called my office with a question I have heard a thousand times. “My husband’s ex-wife is a very unhealthy person. She attacks us frequently in front of the kids and manipulates them constantly. How do we deal with this?”

Without question, one of the most menacing dynamics in a stepfamily is a destructive parent in the other home. A parent, for example, with a personality disorder or drug or porn addiction is exceedingly difficult to deal with. So, too, is someone who is just plain unreasonable, irresponsible, and selfish. The temptation, of course, is to get drawn into the emotional game-playing and try to out-fox the fox. But God’s Word suggests a better way.

In His infinite wisdom, God gives us specific instructions in the latter section of Romans 12 on how to love a difficult person. His prescription for overcoming evil is direct: overcome evil with good (verse 21). The goal, then, in spite of the hurt we experience at the hands of others, is to offer ourselves as a living sacrifice and repay evil with good.

But what about revenge? Isn’t that justified?

***For the following helpful insights – “Being Aggressive with Good,”  “Trusting God,” & “Taking Action” – go to the original page.***

For help with your particular situation, please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.