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Why Kids Need Mean Moms

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Why Kids Need Mean Moms

By Joanne Kraft

I tried to slip out the door, but Mom intercepted my exit. “Sweetheart, what are you wearing?”

“Just black pants,” I said.

“Did you paint those on?” She called for backup. “George!”

Dad appeared. “What are those?” His face scrunched up, as if looking at something extraterrestrial.

My confidence fled. “Black pants?”

With Dad as wingman, Mom began her “No daughter of mine . . .” speech.

Great. The “no daughter of mine” rant, I thought.

But she’d made her point. As I stomped off to my room to change, I muttered, “Mom, you are so mean.

Where are the mean moms?

Call me crazy, but moms today are just too nice. They need a bit more meanness. No, I don’t mean “mean” in the technical definition of being unkind or malicious.

I don’t think moms should be overly strict and hurtful, discouraging their children’s hearts, stifling their creativity and controlling their God-given gifts. (A friend of mine had a mom like that, and it affects her parenting every day. “It’s the reason I’m such a pushover with my girls,” she told me. “I don’t want my kids to hate me like I hated my mom.”)

The “meanness” I’m talking about is found in those situations where we take the tough, loving road, not the comfortable one where life proceeds without confrontation. Mean is what your children may feel about you when you make them write a thank-you card, enforce daily chores or thwart their Friday night plans. Mean is when you push to know their friends and the parents of those friends, when you instill dinnertimes, bedtimes and curfews.

Mean moms make no excuses if discomfort is caused by loving boundaries. Children often can’t understand boundaries as being good for them. A mean mom sees the big picture. She sees the person her child can be and inspires the child until he or she catches the vision. Her slogan is: I’m not raising a child. I’m raising an adult.

Do you need a bit more meanness? Here are four ways to start:

For the four ways to start, check out the original article.

For help in being an healthy and constructive “mean mom,” please contact CornerStone Family Services at 614-459-3003 to talk with a coach or counselor.