By Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott
The call of a husband is a mighty one: to sacrificially love their wives, the Bible says, as Christ loved the church. What exactly does that mean, and how does it practically play out day in and day out? It is innate in men to love and protect, no matter the cost. Most men would go to battle for their wives–likely even die for them.
But what does it look like to fight for your wife daily? In order to win the war, men, you must engage daily in the battle for your wife’s love. It’s a kind of sacrifice that can appear costly but carries a great reward.
Here are three simple, yet powerful, ways to fight for your wife that could shift your mind and your marriage.
1. GIVE YOUR WIFE UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
Your time and attention is one of your most precious commodities. Men, your wife craves your undivided attention. Not only does she crave it, but she needs it. There is a powerful statement made when you set aside the phone and the distractions of life, look your wife in the eye, listen to her, talk to her. It shouldn’t be something you get around to once a week. It should be a daily priority.
There is a sense of togetherness that happens when you give your wife your attention. Simply being in the same room isn’t enough. Engage in conversation. The kind where you are getting to know one another, talking feelings and emotions. This will show her that she is important, loved, and valued. It will prove she is a priority. It will show her that you are fighting for her love.
Men, I realize this may not come easy to you. There is an art to conversation and you may not always be dialed in to your wife’s emotions. Over time, though, you will find an ease to these types of conversations as a closeness develops–ll from fighting for you wife daily with your undivided attention.
2. GIVE YOUR WIFE NON-SEXUAL AFFECTION.
Listen closely, men! It’s no secret that when you think of physical affection, you think of sex. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but understand that women are different. What if the key to more sex was showing your wife daily non-sexual affection? What if the other benefits could shift other challenges of your marriage? Simply holding your wife’s hand, giving her a hug, or putting your arm around her shows her that you are fighting for her love and affection. Your wife craves your touch. She longs to know that you want heart. And here is the kicker: likely, the more non-sexual affection you show her, the more she will be interested in sex.
Physical affection may not come easily to you. You may have grown up in a home where there was no affection shown. It may be a learned behavior, but it is something that your wife craves. Do it without expecting sex. Do it daily. It will set a tone in your marriage, create a sense of oneness, and show a great example to your kids if you have them. There are few things more beautiful than a strong man who can also show tenderness to his wife. It is a way to fight for her love that you won’t want to miss.
3. DREAM, PRAY, AND PLAN TOGETHER.
When you marry, two become one. You may have separate dreams, different career paths, and perhaps even unique pictures of how your lives will turn out when you get married. But one of the most beautiful parts about marriage is the privilege to dream together, to pray together, and to plan together.
Deep down inside of all of us, we long for a companion to share life with. This is marriage! Instill the discipline of praying with your wife daily. There is a depth of intimacy reached when you hold hands and pray together. It is a reminder that God is the center of your marriage. It tunes your heart to His purpose for marriage, which is for it to flourish and to grow. God loves marriage, and praying together is of the best ways you can fight for your marriage to grow and to thrive!
Make plans and dreams with your wife. This may not be a daily task in itself, but as you make dreams and plans together, it provides something to look forward to daily. Doing life together is a privilege, and it’s fun!
So that’s it, men! Your wives may not be as complicated as you think. Build these disciplines into your marriage and see it flourish. Show your wife that she is worth fighting for. Treat your marriage like the gift that it is by fighting for your wife daily.